How To Get Over A Breakup

I have always been the one who always called off on relationships. Some guys wouldn't commit and other's would commit too much, some were too controlling and other's were way too submissive. It's easier when you know the relationship is done and you can call up the person and say "it's not you, it's me". But what happens when it is you, when the person you thought you would be with forever dumps you and just leaves you there broken hearted. How do you get rid of the emotions you are experiencing day by day because the love of your life just walked out of it. I know these feelings well for I too have been dumped, and I am going to let you be able to forget too with these steps on how to get over a break-up.

Step 1: I know what your thinking right now, it's the first week being single again and your as lost as the puppy who couldn't find his way home. Your first thought is to call your ex and tell them you'll change, you love them still, beg them to get back with you, and when all else fails you start to cry and out of spite you start saying things out of anger. STOP! This is step one, No calls, No emails, No letters, No driving past their house, No stalking their myspace or facebook, No going to the same places they go just to "casually walk by" them, you get the point no contact what so ever, if you truly want to get out of this mess and feel "happy" again you will listen to all of these steps and this is truly the most important one, because right now you've just been rejected by your ex (the break up) and you can do without hearing "it's over" more than you need to. Having slip ups will put you right back to square one crying on your bed as you go through photos, eating out of the whole carton of ice cream. So are we clear? Step 1 no contact.

Step 2: After a break up it's hard getting over someone when every time you come home you find a little reminder of what you once had, like when you go into your room that teddy bear that they bought you for Valentine's Day is just laying on your bed staring at you, taunting you. We are now ready for step 2. Kick that teddy bear's *** to the curb! Pictures, presents, their stuff, any kind of memorabilia that will remind you of them trash it. Your home is suppose to be your sanctuary where your suppose to feel comfort, happiness, and safety, you will not feel this if you are reminded of what was. Box everything up or grab a big ol' trash bag and dump it all. Do not even think of this step as a way to see your ex either, to give them back their stuff, they left it there and it is now yours. See this step as an exorcism or cleansing of your demons, indulge and feel happy doing it knowing you are doing the right thing. Oh what's this? Their favorite shirt? Oh my! I accidentally threw it in the trash along with last night's dinner, oops! Step 2, getting rid of anything and everything that will make you remember.

Step 3: Break-ups can be harsh on our self esteem and we start to blame ourselves for every little thing. We blame the fights, the disagreements, the things we didn't or want to do, and the huge one we start to believe "we weren't good enough". Stop putting yourself down, you are who you are and you should never change for anyone. Remind yourself everyday something positive about you, for example: I am smart, I am beautiful, I am a good listener, my friends like me for who I am and one day someone will love me and want to be with me for who I am and for what I can become. Remind yourself of who you were when you were single and dependent on yourself. Sometimes we forget about why the opposite or same sex was attracted to you and just think about why they broke up with you. The doing is done and we can't change the relationship or the reason for the break up. You need to realize that you are someone without them, that you are better off because you are an amazing person, you deserve better and any guy or girl would be lucky to have you. Step 3, stop blaming yourself and start realizing what an amazing person you are.

Step 4- Writing this step, one break up comes to mind that I had a horrible time dealing with, it had gotten so bad I wouldn't leave my bed for a week let alone the house for almost a month, and when I finally stepped out of my house for Christmas Eve with my family, I ended up locking myself in the bathroom not listening to step one and crying my eyes out. I can now write that and giggle to myself on how stupid that was, that I should of been spending time with my family instead of reminding myself of someone who didn't want me. Instead of locking yourself in your house until the hurting is over (which by the way makes things harder), go out and have fun. I am sure your friends are tired of hearing the same ol' "but we were so good together and how could they do this to me they said they loved me" every night on the phone, it hurts them to see you hurt, but it bothers them even more because they want their friend back, ya know the life of the party, the one who would joke around and just be fun to be with. Go hangout with your friends and have fun, forget about "the ex who we shall not name" and be yourself. It helps getting out of the house and doing things you once loved doing, and having people around you that support and care for you makes it ten times better. Step 4, get your cute butt out of the house and go have fun.

Break-ups are hard, but if you follow these steps correctly you can better yourself.

There are two things I would like to cover.

1. What happens when the ex wants you back?

Most of us have been there, when your ex unexpectedly calls or shows up claiming he has made a "mistake" that he wants you back and will do anything to achieve you back. There is this motto I like to follow " EXES ARE EXES FOR A REASON!". Don't get me wrong, people can change but a tiger can't change his stripes overnight. After a break-up you both need time to heal and recover. Last year I read a book on 'How To Get Your Ex Back', it clearly stats that before anything you both need at least 3 months to yourself, why you may ask? Because after a break-up you aren't thinking clearly for a period of time, your ex comes back and all you can think about is the good in the relationship, not why you broke up in the first place. If your ex really does want you back they will be willing to wait, if not and they make up some excuse that they want you now or nothing, than they haven't changed. Before you get back with an ex, take those three months and write down everything good and bad about the relationship, the reason why you broke up, the things you want to change and the things you don't want to change , compare and contrast which part weighs in more. After the three months is up, here comes your decision and you will know whether it's a good idea or a bad idea to get back together.

2. When will I be ready to date again?

If you have already done all of my steps and it's been a month since doing them, ask yourself this "if my ex came to my door crying and pleading to take me back would I?" If you answered no than your ready to date, go have fun. If you answered yes and still continue to want to go out looking for someone else please don't, why you ask? Rebounds can never become real relationships, hooking up or dating someone else isn't going to fix your broken heart, you will just cause the other person to get hurt when you break it off because you were to focused on either making your ex jealous or trying to get over them. Do you want someone else to feel the pain you are going through right now? It's a horrible feeling and it can be avoided on some circumstances like this one. Just take your time.

Remember this:

• There are plenty of fish in the sea
• You can fall in love more than once
• You are a beautiful person and will find the right one
• It's their loss, not yours.